The Resourceful Sergeant Scrum

“Let me tell you about the time I took out Carnivorous Carrot single-handedly.” Sergeant Scrum said, taking another swig of his pineapple juice cocktail. “With his single hand, that is.”

Mimi Resourceful stared at the blue suited man across the table from her and contemplated if now was the time to try out her new plasma gun. If only she hadn’t left it on the Nimbus. Going back for it now seemed like more effort than the man in front of her was worth.

“What exactly do you do?” she asked instead.

Sergeant Scrum sat up straighter and puffed out his chest. “I’m this city’s protector. A saviour in the shadows. I may not be the hero this city deserves, or needs, but I’m the one it has to put up with.”

“There’s an ID badge in your pocket that says City Traffic Management.”

Sergeant Scrum hastily tucked the badge back into his coat pocket and tucked it behind the chair.

“That’s…uh…not important.” He gave her an awkward smile. “But don’t let me hog all the conversation. What about you?”

“I captain a time-travelling airship.”

Sergeant Scrum looked blankly at her for a moment. “Right. Well. That’s interesting. It would explain your…uh..” He gestured to her outfit: a laced leather bodice over a ruffled skirt, and a wide brimmed feathered hat. Mimi Resourceful raised an eyebrow, daring him to finish his sentence. “Explain your impeccable style,” he finished with a nod, pleased with his recovery.

Mimi leaned back in her chair. “I ticked the boxes for ‘intelligent’ and ‘adventurous’.”

“That’s me,” Sergeant Scrum beamed. “In fact, funny you should mention having your own ship, as I’m sort of between careers at the moment. Being a hero is obviously my calling, but it doesn’t pay all that well.”

“How long do each of these sessions go for?” she asked.

“Only five minutes. I know, not nearly enough time.”

Mimi Resourceful took a pocket watch out of a pouch on her belt. Flipping it open, she nudged the minute hand forward. The room blurred and Sergeant Scrum’s voice became a buzzing whine. A moment later, everything settled back to normal. The Sergeant stared at her with a slightly dazed look. He opened his mouth to speak again when a loud Ding sounded from the front of the room.

“Wha–oh.” Sergeant Scrum rose from his seat. “Let’s do this again.”

He shuffled to the side and a new figure slipped into the seat opposite her. Mimi stared at this new contender, who was shaped like a giant triangle, and kept his pale face hidden under a hat even bigger than hers, and concluded that rapid dating was something no one should try.

“Listen,” Mimi said, “I really don’t think you’re in the right seat.”

“No. And neither are you.” The man sniggered then rose to his feet again. Whipping off his hat and cloak, he revealed himself to be a pallid and grotesque carrot-like creature. “Prepare to be roasted.”

Mimi Resourceful leapt out of her seat as the carrot monster smashed the table between them. Now she really wished she had her plasma gun with her. The other date-night participants jumped screaming from their chairs. Mimi’s eyes met Sergeant Scrum’s across the room.

“I thought you said you killed the Carnivorous Carrot.”

“I did!” he replied.

The bleached carrot wheeled on him at the sound of his voice. “You! I’m the Predacious Parsnip. You killed my cousin.”

“Killed is such a strong word.”

The Predacious Parsnip roared and lunged for Sergeant Scrum, who dived to the side and rolled away. Mimi pulled a revolver out of her belt and fired at the Parsnip, blasting white chunks out of its head. The violent vegetable rounded on her next, clambering back across the broken tables on its little legs.

Mimi grabbed a table leg and swung it like a bat, clubbing the Parsnip and knocking it off balance. While the Parsnip stumbled to right itself, Mimi tossed the table leg to Sergeant Scrum, who caught it with one hand. Charging towards the Parsnip, Sergeant Scrum rammed the table leg into it, launching it forward. Mimi swung a chair at the Parsnip’s legs, tripping it up and sending it flying into the window.

Glass shattered in a glittering spray as the Predacious Parsnip flew out the second storey window. The Parsnip cried out, arms and legs waving as it fell, then splatted onto the pavement.

Sergeant Scrum joined Mimi at the window, leaning out to look down at the mush on the street below.

“Sorry, pal. This city takes its vegetables mashed.” He then called back over his shoulder to the woman behind him. “We make a good team, don’t you agree, Captain?”

Mimi Resourceful rolled her eyes, placed a hand on the Sergeant’s back, and pushed.


FFM Day 17

Prompt: Dynamic duos, and people falling out windows.


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