The Accurate Tales of Sergeant Scrum

Traffic Warden Trev did not enjoy his job. It was difficult to feel needed in one’s career, when one could easily be replaced by a stick with three lights on it. Even so, he returned to the intersection each day. Blow whistle, left palm up, wave traffic through. Blow whistle, right palm up, wave traffic through. No, Traffic Warden Trev did not enjoy his job, but it was necessary.

A woman’s scream came from the road behind Trev. He spun around, causing two motorists to nearly collide. A screech of tyres and the shouts of angry drivers rang out. Trev ignored them. The scream came again.

“Somebody help!”

Traffic Warden Trev leapt off his podium and raced across the intersection. A car swerved to avoid him, crashing into its neighbour. A van slammed into them both.

Trev slid across the bonnet of a taxi and sprinted down the alley. He tore off his hat and police vest. Beneath it was a different blue uniform. Trev pulled a mask down over his eyes. The Traffic Warden was gone.

Sergeant Scrum flew around the corner and dived through the open man-hole into a disused sewer below the street.

“Halt, criminal,” he commanded in his scary voice.

A woman screamed again and Sergeant Scrum’s face fell. A gigantic carrot with pointed teeth in a gaping mouth stood in the alley, holding the woman in two knobbly orange arms.

“Wha—what are you?” Sergeant Scrum gasped in his less-scary voice.

“Carnivorous Carrot!” the monstrosity replied. “And I’m going to make stew out of this town.”

Sergeant Scrum puffed out his chest. “Sorry. Dinner isn’t served until 5.”

Leaping forwards, Sergeant Scrum grabbed Carnivorous Carrot’s arm and tore it off with a loud snap. The Carrot roared and tossed its hostage aside. Sergeant Scrum smacked the Carrot with its arm, knocking it backwards into a woodchipper, which turned on and gobbled the vicious vegetable.

Sergeant Scrum tossed the arm aside and dusted his palms. “You’ve just been diced.”

The IA officer gave Trev a long look. “You caused a ten car pile-up…for a carrot?”

“It’s the truth, sir.”

The next day, construction began on a new set of traffic lights.


FFM Day 7

Prompt: Include the following: a carrot, a bored traffic cop, a disused sewer, genre: urban fantasy, word limit: 365


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